is what i am today.

do i know why? possibly.

my colorguard instructor called me weak infront of the captain and everyone else.
what did i say? "yeah, i know"
did i really know it? no.
i just had to die a little in side. i couldnt say anything in defense. its just to stressful. keeping myself sane from the heat, sweat, and the damage my hands are recieving. how much more can i take?

not much sleep. cant concentrate on what i really want. do i want to get hurt, burned, and talked badley about? not sure.

body parts in pain all of the time. bruised. not much time to relax and practice. he's asking to much. practice everyday after eight hours of practice, five days a week. its. to. much. i'm only human. i cant handle keeping my body from falling apart and practice to be supposedly "good" for his or my sake. it cant be done. at least not by me.

after writing and letting this all out. i think i know what i want.

all i want is to be with one person in the whole world that means the most to me. i think you know who you are. if you are reading this i miss you so much. it has only been a couple of days but i need you most right now. i think i might break down.

i love you so much. signed Raven...